silver_keeper

14) Would you rather live in a grand castle built over a cliff or in a homey cottage in the middle of a prairie?
     *the homey cottage ^_^

15) Why?
    *castle built over a cliff sounds depressing...

16) Would you rather be the sun or the moon?
    * the moon...

17) Would you rather be popular and be surrounded by people or a loner who is surrounded by his/her own mystery? Why?
     *the loner. i don't want to be just another stereo-typical famous person, i want to be different, even if it means being alone and being misunderstood for i believe that "real" people will see the "real" me and become my life-long friend. i'd rather have few but trustworthy friends than have a huge crowd gathered at my feet who would turn their backs on me the moment a more "famous" person appears ^_^.

I just had a realization, big time!!! You see, before anything else, let's clear things up. First and foremost I am  a full-sworn OTAKU, girls like me wouldn't or at least in my case "shouldn't" be caught dead watching movies categorized under the sappy "jologs" genre ^_^ but i'm not really one to care about other people's thoughts so i do things my way. anyway, on with my realization...back in my high school days i remembered that i was deeply infatuated with one local actor, yup, "local" and the lucky guy is known as jhon llyod cruz on screen, since he does not fall under my category of "hot bishie guys" i didn't really had much enthusiasm on researching his profile ( much as i research an anime hottie's profile sadly, i don't do that when i fall for real guys....*sigh* ) well, i think i can proudly claim that i have been fantasizing that he's my boyfriend when all the other girls i knew fell for "baron geisler's" boy-next-door-naughty looks (jhon llyod's contemporary). yup i can say that it was my first "real infatuation" since the "infatuation" lasted until i'm 23 and he had evolved from a fledgling into a fantastic peacock (pardon the analogy...) and needless to say, you can only make me watch local movies if it stars jhon llyod cruz or toni gonzaga (an actress)... other wise you'd have to bribe me or convince me that the movie's worth my money. ^_^ so i endured a really awkward movie watching of jhon llyod's latest flick, awkward i say because the people in the theater doesn't seem to know MOVIE ETIQUETTE, either they talk loudly about what's going to happen next since they practically have been inside the theater from the opening and seemed to be planning on catching the last full show as well for god only knows how long, or they are the type who would chatter happily with their seatmate about things in their office etc., or the type who would burst out laughing when the main leads are having a really tear-jerking moment, or the type who just shouldn't be allowed in theatres anymore....*sigh* but i must admit there are some hard-core loyal fanatics who would swoon LOUDLY whenever theres mushy moments between the leads--> those parts made me blush in my seat as well, i'm blushing not because of the mushy scene but because of the people who were greatly moved to the point of expressing themselves loudly even though it's embarrassing...oh well, i do recall the time when i watched transformers and being an otaku, i couldn't help but stand up and clap while the end credits rolled....so i understand exactly how those fans felt...

but that's not what i wanted to write. what i want to say is that, the guy i'm inlove with right now for 11 months...well, he kinda reminds me of jhon llyod ^_^; it must be the eyes...i don't really know but their image keeps merging in my mind's eye!!! maybe that was one of  the reasons i fell for him! i'm really not sure...though there was this one shot in the movie where i can really...really....really picture him to be jhon llyod!!! i'm on my fan-girling mode again!!!

that was out. quite a lot huh? whew.... at least i was able to write it down coherently, there's so much i still want to say but i'll be embarrassing myself so i'll hold it in ^_^

a lot has happened to me just as soon as the year 2008 entered. i felt like i dropped into a blackhole where everything was scary and all i could do was grope in the dark and try to figure out what to do next. i am not always like this. i used to know what i want and what i should do next, like now, i feel like i' m facing another crossed road in my life sometimes it makes me think that life is only like that to me. how many crossed roads have i been forced to take? knowing fully well that i can't go on with my life if i don't choose? and it's not like i always choose the best. sometimes, or rather most of the times i tend to choose the worse choice because i live by my code : "choose the road less travelled by to make the difference." and i'm blaming it all on robert frost for instilling such ideas in my head. why do i like to make myself go through all the torments then expect a pot of gold in the end? maybe i'm such an idealist, or a romantic. romance, ah, another complication in my life ^_^ maybe because i'm such a dreamer that i tend to hurt myself more by nursing my unrequited love...it is tiresome...yet i endure it... looks like i need a good bump on the head...

plus i'm always dreaming, almost 24/7 it has even become dangerous to the point of day-dreaming while walking and crossing the road...sometimes i find myself walking and then surprised at where i arrived, even i can't believe how spaced-out i can get...

*just had to get that out of my system*

*sigh*

i know that i shouldn't expect life to be fair to me...heck, i should be thankful that it's letting me breath and go on day by day, but sometimes i can't help but think if i had done something monumentally wrong or offended someone up there ^_^, i mean, i know that i am not a perfect human being and that i am flawed beyond belief but i know that i have been trying my best too to live my life the way that i'm not treading on someone else's. and the cliche "do unto others what you want others to do unto you" has always been my personal creed...but why then am i always treated differently? i am not appreciated and often times i get taken advantage of. i know that the "taken advantage" part is probably  my fault since i may have shown them that it's okay to do that...still...i'm only asking why is it that even though i do good things to other people without anyone watching <except HIM up there>, i always end up misundertsood? and worse, i'm always brushed off, like i'm a bug or something insignificant? i just hope and pray that time will come that i will be properly appreciated, i don't want to be recognized, i just want to be appreciated...that's all. is that too much to ask?

bummer....i always rant when i'm feeling down

i do believe in the saying "when you're at the bottom most part of your life...there's no way else but up" ^_^ or something inspiring like that. i do believe that this is the ROCK bottom of my life <of course, taken all the other "rock bottom" experiences i had in the past...i never really had an UP...yet> maybe time is due for me to have my UPsoon... until then,i hope and pray to God that he bless me with more patience, because i definitely need it and i am running low on it right at this very moment...

just attended my little brother's pre-school graduation and boy, did nostalgia hit me all over again ^_^ he actually graduated in my alma matter, and my mother had to attend the high school graduation since she is a teacher in the high school department and we tagged along...

i was reminded of my high school life and naturally, my high school friends...those guys/gals....since there were only 19 of us (the same number as the batch who just graduated tonight *coincidence?*) we grew so close to one another; we treat each other like sibs (even up to this date) and the ceremony i just witnessed made me long for them more T_T (miss you all!!!) i was unwillingly brought back to my teen-aged years (though i'm only 23, i feel ancient already...) those days were great...it wasn't entirely a yellow-bricked road experience for us ^_^, it was more like we had treaded dense jungles, cruel deserts, stormy seas, alien worlds, unoxygenated planets...etc. (get the picture, right?) and still, we managed to get through by sticking together ^_^ i believe we have also met teachers whom are not entirely human >_O well-that aside, we really had fun! lots of them! even though we may look like the "problem class" at first glance, we were truly gifted individuals by heart ^_^ (even the big, burly guys in my class can manage to churn out haikus!!!) or maybe we were "too" much on the gifted side that we were destined to be misunderstood >_< i believe we had it easy during those times ^_^ we were so...carefree... every free time we have, was spent on playing the "chinese garter" (mostly girls) and the boys would be sweating themselves out in the courts (ewww....sweaty guys...) whenever it was not possible to play out in the sun (too much heat or it's rainy/stormy) we'd be hanging inside our classrom just chatting away our breaktime (the girls again) while the boys huggled on the other side of our small room and play the guitar and do their own gossiping

yep! we ARE a gifted bunch ^_^ i am so overwhelmed by memories of them i can't really write it all down....it would take a book if i were to describe my high school life...aaahhhhh...truly, my memories of my high school days are ones to be cherished for a lifetime....


hugs to these people:

romela, liezl, em-em, hershey, kathy, riza, jenny b., jenny c., connie, mae-mae, anna, fairlane

aj, kiko, timo, errol, richard, carlo, elmer

*A*

life is a journey...or better yet, it is a one-way train ride...a train ride wherein there is no driver and there are no manuals on how to drive it on board, you have to take control by full instincts, there is no turning back...you can rest at stations, pick up some passengers to fill in those empty seats but they'd never stay, they'd get off at one point or another, hence you'd be left alone again...but you must continue the journey, you cannot stay in one station for too long...you have to move forward because there is no other way but that...

thus, when you feel uncertain on which tracks to take,  pause, take a breather, take your time, for no one else can drive your train but you, not even those who think they're rocket scientist enough to take over the controls...

who knows...maybe someday you'll learn how to make your train FLY too... 

human beings are so fascinating...we have capabilities to the extreme levels...we have an enormous potential to do things in great scale...the greatest, probably is our ability to love...even though we are hurting...

love...what is love anyway? people have defined love in every fashion, i have seen it in many forms,  i know the love of a mother, father, brother, family...i know the love of a friend...and i know how to love them back ^_^

so, what is love? the kind of love you are supposed to have for that one person? now that...is where i think i fail...i have a concept, a vague notion of how it should be like, but not the experience...